When someone dies you may stop and reflect about your own life and mortality. Especially when the death wasn't from a life long illness and was a life taken in tragedy. I've been to many funerals and have had to put together my own Father's memorial video at his funeral. I also synced songs from his favorite singer Dean Martin onto the memorial video. I recently put together a playlist on Spotify that had all the songs I want to be played at my funeral. I have went to funerals before where the family did not do as their loved ones wished when putting together their funeral. You really didn't see or hear anything that truly reflected the person who passed. I know it's a tough time for the family and you really don't want to deal with what kind of flowers for the funeral or what memory card looks the best. You just want that person back and for it all to be a horrible nightmare. So on my Spotify playlist I chose songs that I love and that would probably fit the mood. I know even if I wanted people to just celebrate my life, it wouldn't happen. I did end the playlist with a more up beat song, so that will satisfy what I want. Does this all sound egotistical or just reassuring that my funeral will truly reflect "me"? I'm hoping the latter as I truly don't think any hymnals played would be "me." So, I'll share my funeral playlist and maybe you'll think of yours as well? To me, it's just as important as a will. I know that sounds crazy, but music is my life and is something to be shared and celebrated just as someone's life is. 1. Perfect Day-Lou Reed (Transformer) 2. Life Goes On-The Damned (Strawberries) 3. Love Will Tear Us Apart-Joy Division (Single) 4. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out-The Smiths (The Queen Is Dead) 5. This Must Be The Place(Naive Melody)-Talking Heads (The Best Of) 6. One Day-The Verve (Urban Hymns) 7. Heaven Wait-White Lies (Big TV) 8. In My Life-The Beatles (Rubber Soul) 9. You Only Live Twice-Nancy Sinatra (James Bond:You Only Live Twice) 10. I Just Wasn't Made For These Times-Beach Boys (Made In California) 11. Angie-Rolling Stones (Goats Head Soup) 12. A Dream Of You And Me-Future Islands (Singles) 13. Three Little Birds-Bob Marley & The Wailers (Legend)
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I'm happy to say I've been asked to be a contributor to Get It On Vinyl, a wonderful website dedicated to music and keeping your local music store alive. I wrote a review about the Future Islands after party show at the Fashion Meets Music Fest in Columbus, OH. If you would like to read it please visit the Get It On Vinyl site. Also check out their other articles and reviews..oh and the sweet merch!
So the idea about this blog entry came from a conversation I had on a dating site. In one of my photos I had on the Joy Division "Unknown Pleasures" shirt. A guy messaged me and commented on the shirt and our conversation began. He had said that he got over depressing music a long time ago. That got me thinking, what music stays with us till we die and what music is just a blip on our musical spectrum? And what decides this musical filing? Is it what we are going through at each phase of our life or do our musical taste broaden and what we thought was once amazing is just vanilla? Some bands will always be classic and no one will ever compare to them. In high school I started listening to punk music. I loved the energy and how it was formed around the idea of anti-establishment and conforming to all the latest trends. It's funny now because punk itself became a trend. You can see the punk look on fashion runways and hear bubblegum punk on the airwaves. While still liking punk music I transgressed to Industrial and 80's New Wave music. Partly to the fact that I started to date a guy who was into the music and introduced me to underground bands and cool movies. I think for me music has always grown up with me. It was the soundtrack to my life and I felt that it truly kept me alive. Like most teens I lacked self-confidence and felt indifferent. When I started high school I was a regular kid. I didn't fit into any of those clichéd labels. At the time I was dating a guy and this one night changed my life. It changed how I viewed the world, the clothes I wore, and the music I listened to. At the time I had no idea what sex truly was. It was a different time then how things are now. You can't turn on television without an ad or show with some sort of sexual innuendo or nudity. My world was quite simple and I really wasn't allowed to have a social life. It was all tame until this one night and my world became jaded. It became bitterly filled with sexual and social limitations that I would have to work through. That one night I was raped in the back seat of a car by the boy I had been seeing. It was late at night and he had picked me up down the road from where I lived. We had gone to a park and fooled around until it reached a level I wasn't comfortable with. I won't go into details any further, but this night changed me forever. As said before I was quite naive and thought this was what sex was supposed to be. I thought even if you didn't want to do it, you still did it. It wasn't until I had spoken to a trusted teacher after a sex ed session in class that I knew this had happened to me. I felt betrayed, embarrassed, and alone. I didn't want to tell my parents or anyone for that matter. I went into a depression and felt that somehow I brought this onto myself or that I was at fault, but music was my therapy. It took me years and an understanding boyfriend to pull me through the drudge to make me see that that night wasn't my fault and didn't define me. I would arise above it and be able to have real sexual interaction again. It will always be there of course, but it's not clutching onto my psyche as it once did. This is when I transformed into a girl who wore baggy clothes, closed myself off, and started to listen to "darker" music. I felt the angst of punk music a comfort. I also started listening to Joy Division, The Smiths, and Tori Amos to name a few at this point. Amos helped because she too had went through a similar experience as I had. I also started writing poetry at this time and obtained a new group of friends who shared the same tastes in music. We were the misfits or weirdos of the school. We mostly didn't participate in sports or football games on the weekend. We found comfort in skipping school and going to a nearby college town. It was great fun going to the record stores and hanging with college kids. It really opened a whole new world to me. The music and the scene helped me heal my wounds a bit. I didn't feel alone and felt that I had found myself in a sense. I pretty much kept this musical wave going until a few years after high school. That's when I started getting into metal. I think at the time I was angry with a lot of things and the heavy riffs and lyrics fed that need. I still loved my classic 80's and 90's music, but I was going through another wave in my musical spectrum. I rode that wave until a few years after my son was born and I started to mellow my music taste once again. I started getting out my old cds and having a listen again. It brought back memories of my teen years and sounded just as fresh as it did back then. It gave me comfort and warmth that no other music could. It had always spoke to me and was the voice when I had no words to utter. I'm not for sure if we over time disband our music tastes, but I do believe we go through phases or "waves" as I like to call them. If you put on a song from your youth or when you were going through a particular time in life, all those memories drift back to your psyche like a heavy downpour. There are some bands that have that magic today, but I don't think they could capture a memory as heavy as hearing The Smiths or Talking Heads for the first time. Especially back then because it was all so new and refreshing to what was being played on the airwaves at the time. Like many I don't even listen to the radio anymore. Very few times will I find something that speaks to me and makes me wanna look a band up. Of course, I do live in a small town in the midwest so that could play a huge part. Maybe when I'm older I will file my records in chronological order like Rob did in High Fidelity. Right now they are just mixed up all together and I'm sure it's an OCD nightmare to some. To this day I will go through my records and forget a record I bought when I was a teen. It's kind of a pleasant surprise. So at least in my experience music can get you through a difficult time in your life and change everything from that point forward. It can change you as a person and can broaden your outlook on life. It can be that warm blanket, that fuzzy memory, or the place that makes you realize you aren't the only one to feel the way you do. I never gave up on depressing music and perhaps he wasn't depressed enough to appreciate the music that got him through life? {Side note: This is probably the most personal blog entry to date, but looking back at my musical spectrum it was a defining moment. If someone who reads this has went through the same thing, I hope they will know they're not alone. } So here it is almost 4am and I have just arrived home from the Future Islands show in Indianapolis. I have to write this now while the whole night is fresh in my mind, because my memory sucks anymore. I'm not for sure if it's the tumor in my head or I'm getting old; but nonetheless I won't remember every bit by tomorrow. This was the first show I had gone to by myself and had a bit of anxiety about it. I always loved sharing the concert experience with a friend and having someone to keep me entertained on the way home. Everyone around me told me not to worry and that when the music starts we're all alone anyway.
I arrived early and was first in line. Heading to the front row I had to wait another hour before the opening act called Operators started. They are a three piece band that sounded like wonderful 80's new wave industrial. It was a great surprise because usually I'm patient, but truly wishing the opening act would hurry up so I can see the band I came to see in the first place. This time it was different. Their whole set kept me entertained and wanting more. They seemed so grateful for the audience's love that night, which has me wondering if this is something they don't experience much? I know the people behind me wouldn't shut up during their whole set and among other things is on my concert pet peeve list. I will get to that later. During one of their songs the edgy and beautiful keyboard player broke her necklace that I had been admiring all night. She said "Like during sex, sometimes jewelry breaks" and she handed it to me. It was a wonderful gesture, but I'm going to try to fix it for her and send it back. It truly belongs on her neck! After they had finished their set, it was time for the main act... Future Islands! Everyone was pumped and in anticipation for what was coming up next. This was my first Future Islands show, but for many in the crowd it wasn't their first time around the Future Islands block. As the band came out one by one the crowd welcomed them with screams and sweaty hands clapping together. Gerrit and William are the low key members of the band letting Sam the lead singer electrify the crowd with both his insane levels of vocal range and theatrical performance. At times Sam will bring you into an old punk show with his intense screams and brings you back down to altitude with soft spoken words. Even though the other members are not running about stage, their ingredients to the band are quite important. Many of William's bass lines remind me of Joy Division/New Order or some older punk, especially "Heart Grows Older." Gerrit nicely ties the whole landscape together with keyboards and programming that will take you to another terrain. Mike, the tour drummer, is reminiscent of Stephen Morris of Joy Division/New Order. I have been asked many times what does Future Islands sound like? I really have no true answer. I can name a list of bands that take a bit here and there, but they're unique. They give their all when they play and are quite humble when the audience reciprocates the feeling. During the show I was in awe of Sam's performance and just wondering how the hell he does it. He probably sweated out about five pounds in one show. Of course, the front row received most of this sweat. I think my record may contain some of his sweat as well. He would connect face-to-face with the crowd and touch hands. It was as if he was some messiah, everyone he locked eyes with was in awe of his presence. The show was so exciting that I only took a few photos. I couldn't take my eyes off of them, it was that good. I wanted to take in this moment. Take this experience and actually enjoy it without technology getting in the way. After the encore, I headed to the exit and down the alley by the club. I was one of the first few to hang out in the back for the band to possibly sign autographs and take photos. I had waited for about thirty minutes and then finally Sam had appeared. Gone were his sweat soaked clothes from the show and a tight fitting gray shirt along with an Orioles cap. I was the first one to greet him and I was yet again transformed into a 16 year old fan girl. This is a wonderful feeling, but is something I try to keep under control so I don't seem like a weirdo. I think the reason why I get this way is because I'm in awe of people who could possibly make me feel a certain way just by a few words and notes. Like others, without The Smiths and Joy Division in high school I probably wouldn't be here today. I guess I feel a great deal of gratitude to the music makers. Without knowing you, they can make you feel like every song they play is about you or what you're going through. Many times music is your closed captioning in life. You don't have the right words to say or the melody speaks to you in a way that no one could ever understand. Think about it, certain music or images from your childhood can either bring that warm nostalgic feeling or possibly the feeling of innocence lost. So I lost track, but it's almost 5am. Right now I'm running on White Castle and Mountain Dew, which I'll probably regret tomorrow. So back to the story, Sam signed my record and I got a picture with him. Then we stared at each other and I was in some sort of weird Twilight Zone trance. I had no idea what to say, but to glare at him like a fuckin' idiot. He could possibly play in a remake of 1984 and have us all in a trance with his eyes. Sam went on to meet other fans and share stories and baseball talk. While waiting for William I had started chatting up with the tour drummer Mike. I had told him he had reminded me of Stephen Morris and he was delighted to hear the comparison. He said he had practiced "Bizarre Love Triangle" when he was learning how to play. I asked him if he had his own band and he said he had a band named Mt Royal. Check them out if you have a chance, as I will be doing so tomorrow! I happened to snatch Gerrit as he was walking back into the venue and asked if he could sign my album and get a picture with me. He seemed delighted and pleased to do so. I then finally got to chat with William and yet again I was star struck because when I was coming into the venue I had passed him on the way to the stage. I thought it was him, but didn't want to look like the idiot if he had some twin. We laughed about that for a moment and then we talked about the tour. I had mentioned how I loved the smaller venues because I felt you had more of a connection with the band. We then went into how bands seem to forget about poor Indianapolis and head straight up to Chicago. I was telling him how I'm going to see Peter Hook in Chicago in November and we chatted about how great he is sounding. I mentioned I had an extra ticket so if he wanted to go let me know...by the way that offer still stands William! I'm laughing right now. We discussed Joy Division's album Closer and how you could hear tinges of early New Order in that album. He signed my album and we got a photo together. He then asked if I wanted a pic of me and the whole band and it took only a second to jump on that offer. I gave my camera to another fan because my phone was only on 20% battery. We all got together and I thought had taken about 5 or 6 photos... by the time the last ones were taken it was like some 80's Aerosmith shoot; everyone with legs in the air and silly faces. I thanked them all again and gave William a hug and said thank you again and that I was so glad to meet them. So, on a drive home fueled by some crap fast food, Mountain Dew, Iggy Pop, David Bowie, and Prince I finally made it home. I don't think I scarfed food and drink that fast in my life! I hadn't eaten anything since 2pm and hadn't had anything to drink since 6pm. As always when I do that, I get one of my wonderful headaches. After getting into a comfy nightgown and inserting my SD card I found out that not one photo from tonight was on my camera. I was heartbroken. The only pictures I had were a few during the show and ones with Sam and Gerrit. I know, I know... I shouldn't complain. I really was looking forward to seeing the pictures and I also didn't have one with William and I. Regardless, it was a great and a much needed night. I wish I would have been able to ask them some questions for my blog, but the fan girl in me took over! Hopefully I will be able to see them in Columbus in a few weeks and will be able to retake those pics! One of the greatest things about having a kid is sharing your interests with them. Your favorite movies, music, sports, etc. Sometimes they develop a love for your favorite band and well sometimes they wish you'd stop singing "Jumpin' Jack Flash." When they do develop that wonder about your interests it's something that makes you proud. You feel like you're sending your kid off into this world with some taste...especially with what's being pushed down their throats nowadays. My son started getting into some of my music about a year ago. I wondered when he would get that spark to hear a particular song or band. It finally happened with the band DEVO. I think he really loved the electronic sound to them and what they wore. Recently he has also gotten into Talking Heads, which I'm most pleased about because they're my favorite band to listen to while driving. When we listened to DEVO he would request to hear "Gates of Steel" or "Whip It!" in the morning on the way to school. During one trip we were listening to DEVO's song "The Super Thing" and he said he wanted to learn how to play guitar so he could play Bob 1's riff. It gave me a great feeling. I thought Wow..what the heck was I into at 9 years old? I don't think much because I grew up in a small midwestern town. We didn't have cable tv until I was in high school and radio sucked. I didn't really get into great music until I was in high school, which was in the 90's. At that time Mtv was still pretty decent. They had shows like 120 minutes, Headbanger's Ball, and Alternative Nation. Even their tv shows weren't bad at all like Daria, Aeon Flux, and The State. That was when I was introduced to great music that has still followed me to this day. Also a friend at the time I had met in school was a transplant from California. He had been raised with indie radio, wonderful music, and a concert to go to every weekend. Fortunately now even kids living in small towns or in the country can find out about Joy Division or 70's punk music. The internet has opened those doors to exploration. Of course, back in the day we were all about D.Y.I. We didn't have Hot Topic or an online store to put our look together. We hit Army surplus stores, thrift shops, and stole clothes out of our parent's closets. Truthfully, I always thought putting your own look together was far cooler than buying it off the rack. I had a German Army jacket with a Union Jack on the back with snippets cut from an old Sex Pistols shirt that I'd wear with an old Dead Kennedys shirt. Like every generation people would look at us like What the hell are they wearing? What's that metal ring coming out of their nose and what's with the pink hair? Now this look is more common and not shocking as it was back then. I also think when you're sharing your interests with your children you may spark something inside yourself that was missing. Music that you may have not listened to in ages or seeing a classic John Hughes movie will give you that warm feeling. Next thing you know you're digging through old photos and showing your kid what you looked like back then. When I was going through some of my old stuff from high school, I found the literary magazine we had made. Reading some of those entries made me cringe a bit and realize that we couldn't get away with what we wrote now. They would be calling the suicide prevention hotline or calling the police in fear of a school shooting. Back then they just saw us as "Just a phase." I laugh now because I still wear band shirts and listen to the same music. I may have ditched the piercings, black lipstick, and combat boots; but I'm still the same person. Unlike my own Mom, I will embrace what my son wants to listen to or wear. In the realm of things I understand it's about expression and finding yourself. That's what your teen years and early twenties are for. I'm glad with every generation we are exploring more and becoming individuals instead of following what is spewed out there by advertising masterminds. Now, we still have a ways to go, but it's definitely better. The newer generation is helping with the vinyl revolution and helping music from yesteryear stay alive. I hope when my son is older he still holds onto the music he listened to in Mom's car and it has a special place in his heart...along with my vinyl collection that he will one day inherit! I remember when I was in high school you would hear a song on the radio and you just had to have it, but unlike today you would actual go down to this place called a "record store." I insert this slight sarcasm because many in this generation do not know what an actual record store looks like or even vinyl for that matter. They never experienced a world without computers and internet, cell phones, ipads, and digital music. I remember waiting all night for my favorite song to come on the radio and having my small finger ready to hit record to have it on tape. This was always tricky because you never knew when your song was going to play and wouldn't you know it, the damn dj would talk over the opening of the song. Ugh! That was the worst. Why are you talking? Stop talking and play my song so I can record it! I remember buying Morrissey's "Kill Uncle" on cd and it coming in that long cardboard package. At the time I was staying with my elderly Aunt and Uncle. She wanted to look at the cd package and said "Kill Uncle? That doesn't sound very nice. " Oh I laugh about it now, but I think I made some story up about the album title so they didn't think it was some sort of devil worshiping cd laced with family violence. I would ride my bicycle to the record store and buy the latest cds or some cool records. Now if you want a song you don't have to buy the whole album, which in price hasn't changed much, but some times you'd get that album where there were only 3 or 4 decent songs on it. That was a killer when you shell out twenty bucks and most of the album was crap. That is the advantage of digital music, you don't have to skip through all those mediocre songs. You just purchase the ones you want and you can listen to a snip of it before buying it. So this is obviously the advantage to the consumer, but is it to the artist? Many artists such as Nine Inch Nails create a landscape when they put together an album. It's not just a list of songs, put it on the album, and ship it out. Some of Reznor's songs are instrumentals that lead off in to other songs or give an atmosphere to the whole album. Many times it's like a movie soundtrack. The whole album tells a story. So if you were to purchase two songs you may miss the whole feeling and aspect of the album. I would think the artists lose out on the money they'd make off of a whole album as well. The ease of access to digital music has also raised eyebrows and the pockets of musician's lawyers. With illegal downloading taking even more money from an artist, you have to wonder was the digital revolution all that great for music? I do love being able to take my ipod with me and having all my favorite songs right in my hands. The days of carrying around a tattered cd folder is gone and all those blasted scratches and fingerprints everywhere! That is one thing I do regret when I was younger, I never took care of my cds like I should have. Of course, who would've thought that one day cds would be obsolete? Another advantage is not having to drive to the record store and see if they have the album you want in stock, which was always tough if you liked bands from outside of the U.S. You had to call ahead and order that cd to insure they would have it for you. Now you can download a song at 3am if you want. So with all of these advantages, there are still days where I miss going down to the record store and buying that new album. I also miss the days of just hanging out at the record store talking about music and about the latest drama that's going on in your life. Now with work, kids, and appointments it's hard to get the time to visit your old record store friends, To me, they are my family. I've known these guys since I was 15 and as a few have passed on in the years, it was all such great memories. You won't get that connection with your Itunes online store. That's what it's all about, that human connection. I fear as technology grows, that human connection will dissolve over time. Our minds will be connected via usb and not by true physical interaction. |
AuthorAngela Marie. I like writing. I like music. I have thoughts falling from my head. Archives
July 2018
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