As I was driving to the Fashion Meets Music Fest, my mind couldn't help but wonder about my last relationship. I had dated my ex for about six months and it ended abruptly with no real reason for the break up. I was blindsided and heartbroken. It took me a few months to finally get the nerve to start dating again. I knew if I had kept feeling this way and closing off all of these feelings I would fall into a darker area than I wanted. One day I just said "Fuck it, I can't feel this way anymore. I can't let what he did make me act and feel this way. He can't have that power!" Even though I am in a better place, it is hard at times; the unanswered questions, the doubts, and the what ifs. As I was driving under the Ohio welcome sign and arch I couldn't help but remember all the signs and landmarks along the way when I would drive to visit him. He lived six hours away from me so we would meet half way or I would visit him. It was a somewhat emotional drive through Ohio seeing the rest area we stopped at, the town we stayed in when we met halfway, and most of all the music we shared. My very first blog entry was about meeting Bob 1 from DEVO. My ex was related to one of the members by marriage and that's how I was able to meet Bob 1. As I said before, I was never obsessed with DEVO, but liked their music and thought they were underrated. I started to collect more of their vinyl and was listening to them again. It had been awhile since I really listened to them. My son also started getting into them and they're now his favorite band. So after the breakup it was hard to listen to them again. A few songs would remind me of my ex and all of the memories would flood in. I had asked the question to a music site , How long can you start listening to a certain band after a breakup? When can you listen to "Mongoloid" again without it reminding you that it was your ex's favorite song? Many who answered said about six months to a year. I couldn't listen to them at all when we broke up. Even seeing Facebook updates from the band or passing their signed records in the stairwell of my apartment was hard. We also had talked about how fun it would be to go to a show together and being able to be back stage with the band. I thought that would have been great fun. It's funny how music attaches itself to people, places, and certain times in our life. The one good thing about having music attach itself to your memory is when you start listening to a band because of someone. I've had a few boyfriends or guys that I've dated who without knowing them I might not have discovered The Smiths or The English Beat. Twenties years later I still think about the boy in high school I had a crush on when hearing Morrissey's "The More You Ignore Me." Whenever I hear Tiffany's "Promises Made" I think about when I was a kid and I had worn that tape out on a family vacation. We had went out west and the music just went with the whole beautiful scenery. I remember being in the back seat and pretending I was in a music video. Looking through the back window and lip-synching the lyrics as the mountains went by. I think the funniest thing is when I hear Stone Temple Pilots "Sex Type Thing." I remember when I was a teen and putting it on my Christmas list for my Grandma. I was surprised when I actually got it for Christmas as she is a very religious person. Still makes me chuckle today. On a sadder note, when I hear Dean Martin I think about my Father's funeral. Dean was his favorite singer, so we played his favorite Dean Martin songs. I'm not for sure if it takes time or just shear mind control to not think about that person when hearing a certain song. Maybe it will never go away? Maybe years later when I hear DEVO it will be a passing memory and it won't quite hurt as bad? I don't agree with the saying, "Time heals all wounds", but I do think it lessens the blow a bit.
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AuthorAngela Marie. I like writing. I like music. I have thoughts falling from my head. Archives
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